Writings

 

My Pee is Political

 

I often have to empty my catheter into the gutter, due to the lack of access to disability toilets, and it is the doors, they are often too heavy. Just the other day I got stuck in a disability toilet, I was panicking. The cleaner let me out. 

And the amount I have to pee each day. If I don’t keep my wee flowing through the catheter it gets blocked up and I wet myself. 

Every one says drink more water,  drink more water and I do,  but I can’t physically drink any more.

I often worry about what people will think of me peeing in the gutter, like I’m dirty, and shy away from me even more than they already do. I know wee is clean and mine doesn’t smell that much, but so much of society I think still sees it as yucky. I have had only heard 2 people say yuck but 2 people is a lot.

Part of me couldn’t give a flying fuck what people think. I need to pee and you haven’t given me enough fucking toilets. Smell my wee right up there till your brain is full of urrera. Your ableist world is forcing me to do this. 

But then this happens:

I went to use a drain yesterday outside the op shop and a man asked, ‘Are you ok?’ I said ‘I’m fine’. But he kept asking and he asked a woman passing by, ‘Help I can’t understand her.’ The woman said, ‘She said she’s fine.’ The man said, ‘She isn’t’. She said, ‘No she said she’s fine,’ again. The man refused to believe her. Then she left, she left me with this man who all intentions aside was harassing me.

I don’t like to say because I am glad of people’s help, but I didn’t need help and I was just trying to wee.

He offered to pull my chair.

I just yelled at him.

He said, ‘Ok, you’re fine,’ and finally left me.

I started thinking maybe I should not go to the op shop on my own and this makes me cry inside. This society is making me even more disabled.

You say words are mighty, but what if you have no words.